Rael raves

prettysmellies

2009-12-30T17:29:17Z

Poison Apple Apothecary has some yummy smelling scents, but I think they only do business on etsy. I dropped a note tho, because I want to try a 5 scent sampler.

What I want to try are:

Amber Magick
Ghost
Madagascar
Pirate Anne
Vamped

relatively good news (if a bit odd)

2009-12-16T13:33:37Z

So I was checking my phone messages, and I heard back from one of the housing places we had gone to over the last week. It turns out they had spoken to the landlord who let them know that the jerk who had threatened us is now in jail! Although I don't have any detail on how long or for what charge. Still. This probably means he will be out of our hair for the holidays, which is good. Still. I am still wanting to move ASAP; as I'd said, this is not the first irritating/noisy/violent neighbour I had to deal with in this location that management did very little about. Besides, since this latest guy, Nixon, is clearly not sane enough to take responsibility for his own actions I'm sure in his mind I'm some evil bitch who put poor little him in jail unfairly and once he is out retribution must be taken upon me for such a thing.

Anyway. At least we won't have to worry about him for a bit. I assume since he's been gone all week this is more than an over-the-weekend jail stay; he had lied to the officer the night he tried to break in here claiming he wasn't on probation when in fact he was. How long does that usually put one away for?

the continuing saga of Nixon next door.

2009-12-10T19:45:49Z

So, as some of you may know, my place nearly got broken into the other night. Crazy ranter Michael Nixon next door in apartment F decided that banging on the walls and screaming at the top of his lungs wasn't getting his point across loudly enough, so he started beating on my door demanding to be let in. Ironically, I was online on twitter, so I actually tweeted most of this as it was happening right up until I had to get up, log the hell off statt {yes, poor I, am still on dialup} so I could get my phone back up and dial 911.

I had already chased him off before the cops came. He kept demanding 'open the door, bitch' so finally against all intelligent or rational thought might dictate I did. But with the chain on, of course. He tried to reach in, so I tried to pepper spray him. Unfortunately my pepper spray jammed, but he saw it and ran off like a sissy baby when he realised he had almost gotten sprayed.

Anyway. I called the landlord, but in his usual hands off way of dealing with his little slum he decided there was nothing worth doing about it or, as he put it "What do you want me to do? Eviction is expensive. It'll cost me 1000$ dollars just to get started..."

"So, start already," I says, "hell, I'll give you a friggin' 1000$."

"Yeah, well... you say that..."

"Yeah," I said, "I say that!"

But apparently he isn't going to, so in spite of my having lived here for 6 years it's clear the only logical solution is to move, and move ASAP. Where will I go? Fucked if I know. I called all the various agencies around the state who are allegedly supposed to help with such things but we are in a recession, so most of them simply told me they would like to help, but this didn't fall under the criteria of things they can do now, or that they don't have the funding, or so on.

Supposedly SafeSpace at RU12 might be able to help find us someplace temporary to stay, and a few people from St.Andrews can help us with moving things and maybe crashing, but in the end we're still going to wind up homeless for awhile because some lowly sexist homophobic fucktard thinks he owns the whole building, and management is ok with him pulling these shenanigans.

What keeps puzzling Z, of course, is why no one else but me ever complained. This man has lived here a year and nearly every night blasts rap, or rants and bangs on things, or goes on his porch and shouts, and not a peep from the other neighbours. But then again of course this IS the worst neighbourhood in Burlington. Apart from the moms eventually driving away the summer gang of drunks after 3 months of their bull most of these women are living with guys exactly like Nixon- sexist jerks who think of them as little better than property. The building is mostly women and old people, so this caveman Marine-looking lump of psychosis figures he's cock of the roost and can get away with murder.

Which is why I'm leaving; God knows he probably can.

Still. It'd be nice if I could at LEAST get some moral support or, better, some help finding a place or suing the management. I don't like flaunting all these little labels but...I am disabled. I have diabetes and chronic arthritis; part of the reason I've all but dropped out of the art scene in Burlington is I can barely walk 3 blocks anymore {so you can understand why I'd rather not be stalked everytime I'm limping up or down from my second floor outside stairway apartment...}. I'm stuck in this apartment. I can't get around well enough to hunt for a new one, and I certainly can't carry all my stuff out by myself.

Label the second- I'm bisexual. Big diddly do deal, who cares who I've slept with or not, shouldn't be relevant but... I'm a blatantly dykey big babe with a transgendered transitioning caregiver. RU12 ARE helping as they can with the hate crime aspect of it all- part of Nixon's daily rants is to bang the walls and call us fagets- but surely someone might like to do an article on this, blog a blog, make some noise for me? I'm just not noisy enough on my own. Label the third is that I was indeed an artist around here; I zined zines, played shows, djed on the pirate radio station and still do a music show for VCAM public access. I can't go on about this on the air- if I DO have a case of any sort it would be slanderous for me to discuss the details on my own show surely. But not on someone else's if i was asked. Would it maybe be too much to ask for a benefit concert to get me & Z off to a new life wherever we find to settle? We're not exactly rolling in dough!

Anyway. Needless to say my week sucked. How's yours?

a day in the life

2009-12-09T00:00:36Z

I lived in NY and was in junior high school when Lennon died. My friend Lisa called to tell me the news. I taped the article to the wall and ran away from home for 3 days. We sat in the freezing cold by the Dakota with other Beatles fans singing his songs.

claudiamercy @ 2009-12-02T19:08:00

2009-12-03T00:08:17Z

Man, I need one of those seated walkers already. Threw my knees out bigtime the other day just walking around the mall.
I have prescription from my doc for one, but they won't fill it at Brooks. How do you walk to a further away pharmacy to get a walker so you can walk better?

I was thinking about videos I saw in the 80s that I can't find anywhere now. Like there were all these things on U68 that are just gonesville... there was this early rap dude, for example. His name was Baron Puppet. I have no idea what his video/song was called, except it was self promoting; he'd go "'cos I'm the puppet" in it periodically.

Even Christine Lavin herself has no idea what happened to the video for "Isn't This Just Like Empty-Vee?" but it was a fave of me & Anni's, not the least because it had the Unisphere in it.

20/20 did a video for their song "Jack's Got a Problem"; I seem to remember part of his problem was the food on his plate was looking back at him in said video.

And this was later- 90s in fact, but the other day I used a segment in PmE from 'Beavis & Butthead' because I simply could not find a full version of "Crackin' Up" by Revolting Cocks on youtube!

Another thing I haven't seen since the first time was a cartoon from the 60s or 70s called "The Collector". It's by Milan Blazekovic- it has a mention on IMDB, but no way to get hold of it.

So. anyone have any ideas where to find these? Let me know!

I'm still looking for something fairly mundane too- that is, a place to set back up my webpages. Ever since geocities went down I have been unable to say my favourite line from my wandering days "well, no I don't have a home, but I have a homepage"- at this point I have no homepage. Before you say it, Tripod sucks, as does angelfire; if you don't keep constant attention on them they erase your stuff.

claudiamercy @ 2009-11-20T17:28:00

2009-11-20T22:28:52Z

Sent off a letter to penfriend Steph to-day. I also deposited a cheque and got some bagels. We re-hashed Anni's old game of watching the townfolk for who was 'in on it'; in this case since we had just watched the re-envisionsing of 'the Prisoner' we decided Church Street was the Village and that the 'in on it' people were spies for 2.

We also saw Jackie coming out of the art shop, but she was walking too fast to hello, and might have spotted Kim.

I finished making a videotape of VCAM shows for Grace. Now I just need to re-watch it and make sure the sound isn't off- my fanbelt in the VCR drags sometimes- and to jot down what videos were shown on the programs.

But... that has to wait. Have to re-adjust the house for the nth time for the inspectors- the landlord called today- this weekend, and right at the mo I am waiting for Brian to call because he is giving me a ride to the thing at St.A's. I hope Anne is there, because I want to schedule some weatherproofing on my apartment.

Well, that and playing Vampire Wars when I am online is about all that's going on at the mo...

new PmE

2009-11-05T21:01:19Z

episode 90 filmed Nov 5th, 2009

Noisy Hill 0rigins pt.4- owlwaxer
If I had a Heart- Fever Ray
DJ Hero {sparkly balls commercial)
boss fight fr. D2
Yomp - thenewno2
Neo Dada Heyday- Casper & the Cookies
Fancy Free- Sun Ho
Smash the Control Machine- Otep
Globe surf DVD session w. Taylor hawkins
scene fr. Beijo de Vampiro
Everybody-Backstreet Boys
Blandest-Nirvana
While My Guitar Gently Weeps fr. Cirque de Soliel's Love
Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland trailer
Theme from Iron Man- Rooney
Primetime of your Life- Daft Punk
Wasted-Gucci
Oh Darling Darling-The Collectors

claudiamercy @ 2009-10-02T13:51:00

2009-10-02T17:56:07Z

Are you planning to dress up for Halloween? How long do you typically plan your costume? Do you keep it a secret?

View 1031 Answers

If I bother at all, I will probably go for the nth time as Eric Draven, The Crow. Or possibly Peter Gabriel circa 1986, his 'Shock the Monkey' phase. Why? Because makeup is easy to obtain.

Occasionally when I've gone as Draven people have in fact, mistaken me for a mime. They usually realise their error when it dawns on them I am not only too talkative, but I have no problem whatsoever getting out of their pesky invisible boxes.

One year though my friend Anni and I got dressed up to go to the Greenwich Village Hallowe'en parade. Her costume was elaborate and chilly to wear, as it involved blue paint all over, and simple scarves and loincloth for clothing. Only one person recognised her, and that was an amazed and outraged Hindu, who proclaimed "Krishna!"

That same year I bought a cheap beard, a curly haired wig, and an uncle Sam hat. I wore a tie dye, and was easily recognised by all as Jerry Garcia.

We got invites to a lot of Deadhead parties after the parade.

a dream

2009-09-29T15:45:35Z

So there was this sort of weird situation in which it was raining, and I had been blown into this little town somehow during the storm. All these people are explaining to me how no one ever leaves this town, but everyone is blown in sooner or later.

It always rains, and it is nighttime. In the distance there are funnel clouds going by. Eventually a storm is going to blow through the actual town, but someone tells me even if you die in the storm you'll wind up back here. I get this sort of inner voice 'if you take off your clothes you'll be safe.' So I take off my clothes, kind of curl up and lay down in a corner of this building. The roof blows away, but I survive the storm.

Now I am walking with some friends down these rainy streets towards a railroad track. We are going to get out of town. There are wet branches down everywhere from the storm. A little spotted dog is standing in the road. I sing 'Shiny Cage' and this somehow stops him from chasing us. For some reason I tell the people I am with that I know this to be Sharon's dog {I am not sure Sharon has ever had a dog, actually. I think she is a cat girl.} More heavy winds and we stop in an old barn looking building by the tracks, where we find this indy band also seeking shelter. The singer is this pretentious sort of half Nick Cave, half Jack White type with a stupid moustache. There is also this tall Asian dude who I think might be Kyle from that band Z from Outer Mongolia's wife was in for awhile. They tell us they are screening a movie they made in the Village.

Next thing I am in Greenwich Village. It is still night. I am down in the Bleeker street area with some girl I don't know, and Z {the other Z} and my mom, and we are looking for the place this movie is going to be shown. The address is odd, between two restaurants. We see some stairs behind the grill of a falafel place but it is only the top half, like a fire escape. The girl suggests we walk over the grill to get to the steps, but it is on, and this would also be disrespectful to the falafel place owners. Z tries grabbing the stairs and sort of climbing on the underside of them til he can reach the hole and climb in.

The rest of us go through the kitchen exit and find a backyard with a garage. We can see the movie playing through a window. Finally the Asian dude opens one of the side doors. The neurotic moustache guy is upset- "the doors close promptly as the showing begins!" but apparently he didn't make the film, because the Asian guy is glad we came. Pretentious guy is telling the other girl she couldn't just watch it from the beginning at the next screening "there is only ONE screening. We only show it once each time at a different place!" The Asian guy wants to serve us some cake and the other guy argues with him we shouldn't get any because we didn't see the whole film.

Later we walk down St.Marks heading out to see another indy band play. They are one of those tight but discordant Gangula Stretch/Captain Beefheart type jazz/math rock bands, but about then somebody yelling outside my window woke me up. I'm still kinda half asleep tho; I wanted to yell to him "do you mind? we're trying to watch an indy band in here!"

new PmE

2009-09-21T18:15:03Z

I guess this is episode 88? It's the week after the VMAs, so we discuss those. Jim Carroll and Patrick Swayze have just passed. The Art Hop was last week. And we give shout out to Sapa, which now serves food, too! setlist:

People Who Died- Jim Carroll Band
scene fr. "Ghost"
Ju-on game trailer
where to pee in NY
Mrs.Satan- The Glasspack
Zombie-Loan intro
Kiss a Girl- Keith Urban (w.Taylor Swift and band dressed as KISS!)
?-Yonin Bayashi
Noisy Hill 0rigins part 2- owl waxer
Ignorance- Paramore
Hit Me Baby(one more time)-Marty Casey
Triple H as Harry Potter on MadTV
Gallery Piece- Of Montreal
Tandem with You- The Captains
Money- Flying Lizards
Pokerface/Paparazzi- Lady Gaga

In other news, I will be going to NY next week. See my ma, and then to go see Susan, who I knew from school, and Maxie, who was the bass player in the band I had during college.

We went to a cool party last night. It was mostly people from St.Andrew's church.

More later.

ranty ranty megaranty

2009-09-11T17:36:00Z

Supposedly the inspector is coming to-day. I say supposedly because I've seen no sign of him.

Waiting for the THIRD time for the housing inspector. I mean, if he's going to fail us, I want to know, so we can get apartment hunting already. And even if he's not going to fail us? I want to know, so we can get apartment hunting already.

Last time he failed us, not for anything wrong with my housekeeping, but because the sink was draining slow.

Well, Butch (the super) fixed the sink. So... can we get on with this? All this having-to-be-here through no-shows is cramping my lifestyle.

Meanwhile I have been postponing my NY trip for this rubbish, having to clean and re-clean everytime the bastard pulls a no-show.

That's not the only lameness tho.

The other day I was waiting for the bus. I sat down on that little wall by the mall, as I usually do, when this mall security guard comes along and claims that this is now illegal.

I sort of lift my cane a bit to sort of call attention to the fact that I need a cane to walk with in the first place and told her that I need to sit down to wait for the bus. So she suggests I sit on the benches. Which are more than a block away from where the North End Loop lands.

When I pointed out once again that, hello? handicapped? and there's no way I could limp all that distance in time without the bus pulling off she told me this was the mall's new policy, so I told her I'd like to talk to the person in charge please, could she go get them? Which of course she refused to do... pretty much she told me I would have to probably take it up with the city to get benches down that end. Which, yes, they've needed forever. The way the bus system is set up has always been lame. If you need anything from the Pine Street back you're screwed. No benches, no shelter. You boil in the sun in summer, freeze in winter. But since no one uses that area where I was sitting to begin with, why this sudden policy to not allow people to sit there?

You guessed it. Africans. As one of my friends who visited recently from Virginia observed and told me, the only people that the guards usually shoo out of that area are pesky teenagers and immigrants. Now obviously anyone taking a North end bus ~deserves~ bad treatment, since that IS the low income area of town... so on top of the fact only poor people might need these buses we must surely be further punished for the 'crime' of being poor by having to stand dumbly in the middle of the sidewalk, since sitting on the mall or leaning on the wall are illegal now.

The irony was several 'real' mall cops in uniform went by my sitting there without a backwards glance. I don't want to talk about feminism in a negative slant, but this security lady was clearly feeling a lack of authority in her life to stoop so low as to bully a cripple. Anyway, like I said in all those 'grrl' zines I put out in the day... learn to take back your 'bitch' constructively, ladies, or forever feel unempowered... c'est la vie. We tried. In the meantime I ~really~ don't want to waste my life waving flags and making 'take back the wall' or crying about my lack of rights as a handicapped or a Northender or whatever, so if anyone more politically inclined than myself wants to take issue of this, feel free... I'm just going to keep sitting there, and if I get busted now and again for trespassing, so be it.

In interesting news, the folk here in the O.N.E when not being repressed downtown are attempting to take back their own. Most of the summer there'd been an influx of drunks out by the rubbish bin in the driveway by my apartment. Apparently it turns most of these drunks don't even live in the adjacent buildings, because last night all the neighbours were out and drove them away with henpecking and threats to call the cops on them (not that the cops ever do anything about anything in this part of town, but hey...)

Anyway. To-day is September 11th, which of course probably merits my 'I remember where I was when I heard' story for the nth time, but I'd rather not. It's a sad tale, and it will never be forgotten, and at times I find myself, in spite of my relocate well and over a decade ago to Vermont (by way of WA state, by way of VT again, by way of Georgia, and then finally here again) feeling a little offended by nonNew Yorkers trying to make a huge hoopla of it. Especially when they send me little 'reminders' by way of pics of the disaster to my email, via Texas?

Kinda... hated watching it when it happened, yo? As an ex-NYer I felt it harder than any of the nonNYers. It'd be like sound limbed people running around waving plastic legs at paraplegics, you know? It's not your loss. You don't know. You can't know.

So quit it.

Still no inspector, BTW. Sun's moving across the sky pretty fast. I guess I'm going to end up having to wait AGAIN to let him in.

I could go on and on about how much I hate the annual inspections, I suppose. They're supposed to just check to see if the fire alarm works, if the canister is full. Instead they can write you off if your housekeeping doesn't meet their aesthete. Again, and I am so SICK of being sick! or complaining about my infirms! isn't it bad enough I'm IN pain all the time, must I constantly have to draw back on it? but I have chronic arthritis. Bending HURTS. Especially as I'm not such a sissy as to get myself addicted to opiates like so many of the people I know with other 'pain' related illnesses do. But... having this arthritis means picking stuff up, and bending over to mop etc... it's not easy for me. Having to meet this deadline which is usually in the dead of summer when my second floor, under-a-tar-roof apartment is BOILING, having a deadline to make my cramped place look like something out of Good Housekeeping is annoying as can be.

I could say 'how dare they' and 'who do they think they are' but I'm not dumb; I know who they are. They're the ones who pay the difference on my rent, so if they want to make me dance the good sambo dance once a year, they can, and that's that. But the first inspection this year I was the usual bundle of nerves and fear of being kicked out and made homeless. Now's the third and they've not shown, and I honestly don't care. If it's God's will I'm to be given the toss from this rathole, perhaps now's the time. The town is a mess. Good stores like Lindt, and Scribbles, and Peace & Justice are closing. Prejudice has extended past the tourists and homeless and into the poor, most of whom have been here far far longer than the newcomer rich folk who are trying to push us out.

Anyway. This inspector has ruined my summer. I've been putting off and putting off a trip to NY to go see some old school buds. It may be for the best, I suppose, because when the whole 'no sitting' fiasco went on I realised how bad my legs really are. If I can't walk the 10 blocks to town without needing to sit, how shall I fare in that giant tunnel that leads to the S train from Port Authority?

Here it is, September 11th, and I think I may be too old to do NY anymore.

Well, but unlike all the rest of the country I at least have my memories.

update: 1:25pm. chatting on AIM.
I [1:25 P.M.]: yep. BRB.
friend [1:25 P.M.]: ok
I [1:25 P.M.]: ha. That was it?
I [1:25 P.M.]: They came in, stared at the sink, left.
I [1:25 P.M.]: Let me go after them.
friend [1:26 P.M.]: oh geez. ok.
I [1:26 P.M.]: Well. I guess we have won the privilege to stay in Chez Rathole one more year. *L*
friend [1:27 P.M.]: w00t!
I [1:27 P.M.]: w00bily.

claudiamercy @ 2009-09-05T10:21:00

2009-09-05T14:20:14Z

A CD I just burned for Josh Bridgman:

Watashi no hobākurafuto wa unagi de ippai desu.

fun sounds from the far east- psychedelia, garage and Goth from Japan.
+! a weird Beatles cover, some Spanish psychedelia,
2 classick! punk tunes, and everyone's favourite Nirvana hit.

Gura Gura- Halko Momoi
Issoku Sokuhatsu- Yonin Bayahsi
Finale-hide
Love Ninja-The Captains
Spookhouse- Candy Spooky Theater
This Is Halloween (in Japanese)
U Turn-U'Nee
Smokin' Billy-Thee Michelle Gun Elephant
Tea Time Ska- Tsu Shi Mi Ma Rae
track 3? Halko Momoi
Jet Generation- Guitar Wolf
Meatball- Fogs
Good- Pizzicato 5
Beasts of Blood-Malice Miser
--
We Can Work It out- Frankie Valli
Bajo el Volcan- Santos Dumont
Brainwashed- Flipper
#9-Red Bliss
Beans- Nirvana

done today: moved most of urulan account into new spot- ledbeatle94@tripod. two subfolders and second account whaddifug to still move.

weeee! finally!

2009-08-27T12:55:25Z

from da VCAM newsletter...

And in case you haven't noticed, VCAM channel 15 also features some interesting late-night programming produced by local citizens with a more off-beat sensibility. If you find yourself channel surfing after midnight, you might flip by Post-Mortem Espresso or Death's Head Theatre, featuring hand-picked music videos, animations and horror selections by Rael One Cloud and Zeela the Goth, respectively. VCAM late night programmiing also features The Midnight Massacre Theatre all the way from Las Vegas, Nevada and the award-winning Shilling Shockers from our friends in New Bedford, Massachutsetts. Drink some coffee and tune in!

claudiamercy @ 2009-08-07T20:34:00

2009-08-08T00:35:37Z

OMG! Yes! WANT! Normally over 250$. This dude has em for 90$ Damn. Wish I didn't have a trip planned for soon.

claudiamercy @ 2009-07-24T10:38:00

2009-07-24T14:45:09Z

Zounds!

WANT!!!!

USB Port & Fan
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I also want to go to the One Glove Michael Jackson tribute thing at Higher Ground tonight, but I have had a summer cold and have gone from laryngitis, to leaky nostrils to hacking up lungs all week. Still. If I had a voice, I would use it to karaoke, and if I karaokied I would sing "Ben". One that started it all for me. Frikkin' love song to a rat. Brill. The boy was brill, even if he did get very weird towards the end of his days....

Going to save my strength to try to go to The Ramble to-morrow. I had a spot, but i cancelled it. I haven't got an amp, and with my voice just starting to return I'm not going to try competing with any other noise. I wonder if Jeremy's band will play. They did last year. If so, I hope he's over the fool notion that Tobias would make his sound any better....

My list of youtube faves is growing again, which means once I am well I must make a new Postmortem Espresso show...

claudiamercy @ 2009-07-14T20:21:00

2009-07-15T00:22:24Z

Stuff. I spend so much time thinking about stuff I owned, and lost somewhere down the line- is Heaven the place where we get our stuff back? All sorts of odd little knickknacks that would mean nothing to anyone else, and how I want them- that black and orange bead I HAD to steal from the art room when I was 8. The plastic cow with a real nose ring. The rock I found in Missouri as a kid that looked like a fossilised eye. My World's Fair coin. The little faux gold lion head I had, with green rhinestones for eyes. The orange ceramic moon pin I had got when there was a flea market in the Village where Grampa's restaurant is now. The skull pin I got at Fred's shop which that pyro priest stole when I went to visit Anni. That swirly vodka promo shelf I eventually gave to Mike Bassett, who in turn sold it to Amy. Could I own things that were never mine to begin with but had caught my eye, like Alec's lightbox? or that 'Deadman's Creed' blacklight poster I've been hunting forever? The promotional Olympics Budweiser globe they had in Allen's?

Yep. It goes on and on like that.

I make little dream houses on The Sims and other simular sites, but much as i'd love to live a life in the lap of luxury with hot tubs and adjustable beds and decent audio/visual equipment, none of that would be any fun without the music and movies I've loved. I've actually managed to track down and resee/recollect most of the music and videos I hadn't seen in dog's years, and in fact I got a good one to-day; I finally found out that weird little punk song I'd been hunting for was in fact, by Flipper. Good old Flipper. and all this time I'd been sure it was Red Bliss.

A short excerpt from a recent email, in which I was replying to someone who had inquired if I liked Coil, the electronica/Goth musicans led by the late Jhon Balance:

Yeah, I met this interesting character in Athens Georgia who called himself Schade Libido. He had a book of Giger prints I hadn't seen before, and we had a sexy little night of reciting poetry back and forth at each other while his girlfriend wasn't home- heehee! funny how the intellectual can seem more naughty than the sexual at times. Anyway, he had a mad conspiracy theory about Pink Floyd, the Masons and Coil, and told me that Musick to Listen to in the Dark pt 1 had possessed his CD player- once it came on without the CD being in the machine. This kind of fun campfire tale made it hard to resist buying a bunch of their tunes.

I keep trying to find this rap/sort of trippy reggae artist whose video I saw on U68 back in the day. He was called Baron Puppet and his song was 'I'm the Puppet' appropriately. Anni and I watched scads of U68. We'd wade through boring stuff like "How Will I Know" by Whitney Houston, and "Say You, Say Me" by Billy Ocean, or Lionel Ritchie, whoever it was... we'd wait hours through schlock for rare gems like "Isn't This Just Like Empty-Vee" by Christine Lavine (who doesn't even have a copy of her own video! I asked!), "DOA" by Rutledge, "I'm the Puppet", of course, and the one hit wonder everyone knows, "Amadeus" by Falco.

There are, of course, bands I saw back in the day who were great then but who vanished without a whisper that I wish I had recordings by. I have a beat up old tape of Gangula Stretch, for instance, but I wish I had a time machine and a video camera so I could go back and tape the show of theirs I saw at Midnight Sun. The Swamp Goblins, anyone remember them? I've met a few people who remember Artless, but what I wish I had was the promo poster I had torn down when they played NY. They had put it up with condensed milk paste, so it was torn on the edges, and smeared with white, but quite cool nonetheless.

And, you know, I haven't gotten absolutely everything I've ever seen that I'd like to see again. I mean, who doesn't want them to issue "ABC Afterschool Specials: The Incredible, Indelible, Magical Physical, Mystery Trip" or it's sequel, the trip "Through Little Red's Head" if they remember this weird shit?

There was a short cartoon I saw on a animation show on PBS back a long time ago. It was called "The Collector" and was by Milan Blazekovic. I see reference to it showing in festivals here and there, but no one has it.

Then, for no reason I must get this bizarre Anthony Newley film "Can Hieronymus Merkin Ever Forget Mercy Humppe and Find True Happiness?"

And yet I've collected scads of films and videos and snippets of odd things on VHSes I need to transfer to DVD one ardous winter, cassette tapes I'm slowly turning into MP3s, vinyl albums I've sought and owned and loved and lost again... I want to get all this bulky crap out of my life one day, but I don't want to chuck it. It isn't garbage. Rather, in a world where VHSes and cassettes are nothing anymore, I'd like to get these things someplace where they'd still have value.

Man, I need a time machine! Then I could go give them to myself in like, the 80s or something. Young me would love old me, handing over the keys to this treasure trove- "Wow, this is like, every song and movie I've ever liked! as well as some genuinely weird anachronisms... o.O thanks!"

new PmE

2009-07-02T17:31:15Z

episode 85

this ep airs July 2009, just after the passing of Michael Jackson

-----
Ghosts (excerpt)-Michael Jackson

Day In the Life-Neil Young and Paul McCartney

Kill Your Mother Rape Your Dog-Dying Fetus

Bones-Killers

team fortress 2 promo

Secret Agent Man-Devo

All That Remains- 3

Leave Me Alone-Michael Jackson

Set On You-George Harrison

My Obsession-Bread of Stone

Until It Sleeps-Metallica

Noisy Hill 4 pt18

59-Last of the Juanitas

Black or White(controversial ending)
~*~

claudiamercy @ 2009-06-25T21:43:00

2009-06-26T02:07:11Z

Michael Jackson.

I'm actually.. I dunno. I was in shock. I watched the news reports for about an hour just feeling sick to my stomach.

I grew up listening to his stuff, but if you'd asked me yesterday to compile my favourite singers and bands I wouldn't have even thought of putting him on there. He was just.. always there.

Obviously the plastic surgery and the allegations of child molestation and so on made me sort of put my fandom on a shelf. We've all grown out of fandoms. You love a band when they're new and fresh but then the members do something stupid publicly, or they put out a string of mediocre records and you sort of distant yourself from having been a fan.

Then, something like this happens and you realise not only were you really still into it, but that maybe yours and all the other rejections by people who were embarassed by the public escapades took a toll. That this was a real human being with real feelings who suffered real pain when their public rejected them. :oops:

I never knew him, but I'm going to miss this guy. He was a part of my life even though he never knew it.

I guess what's also sad is I really don't have anyone in my life that I can go hang with, talk about this. Not even on my phone list, sure as hell not in my church or art groups, and not on facebook.

I stopped watching TV and then I looked at the list of telephone numbers I have on my wall and realised how out of touch I actually am. I've said it before but most of the people I really knew around here are long gone. Seems like they left the town in droves. Seems like meeting new people gets harder and harder too.

It doesn't help that I'm ill, of course. The heat messes with me. It gives me heart palpitations and dizzy spells, and makes my feet swell and itch and makes my knees give out that much faster. Getting downtown is a real struggle, and even when I go there's no place to really hang out and meet anyone.

Someone back there said that facebook makes them feel a bit like a voyeur, and I can certainly see that. It gives people this total indifference, like they are watching the people out there typing from a thousand miles away, or in a goldfish bowl. I have a very low income and there are no programs that help people out who are JUST sickly; there are so many poor sickly people in the world anyway. I've put out little twitters on facebook and little announcements on other sites; people read them and ignore them. It's annoying. I have like 70 friends on facebook, and apparently each and every one of them think I'm talking to someone else. That one of those other ones will pick up the slack. Surely I must be more 'connected' with the other ones instead of YOU, right?

I still haven't gotten anyone to help me get the virii out of my computer. I haven't gotten a ride to the store since Easter.

I didn't set out to become such a burden. Such a high holy hassle to deal with. I didn't make myself ill, and it's not my fault I'm poor. I guess what I want to know is how much of my dilemma IS my fault; what do people see when they see me that makes them decide I'm not worthy to be spoken to? is it my looks? my weirdness, whatever that is? Do I look like I might be dangerous? I'm way too sickly these days to be violent or anything, and I don't have any enemies, insofar as I know. Do I look like I might bring drama? Actually because I know so few people and have always despised drama my house is very drama free. The friends I've rejected in my day I've cast out of my life because they brought drama to me or people I know.

Z, who's also kinda self conscious, thinks it's him. People don't want to associate with me because I'm friends with him.

Yeah, right. And then before that it was that I was friends with Richard, and before that it was whoever all else I've befriended who isn't popular... what? No. I doubt very much it's the company I keep. Especially as I've almost no company at all.

It's really kind of a sad little life I'm living these days, but although I do occasionally kvetch up in here, I'm not curmudgeony 24-7. The littlest of things make me immensely happy. I still take childlike delight in the world, and if anything I'm more afraid of death than ever because I like my life all the more now as it's got a death sentence over it. So I'm far from suicidal.

And yet people go out of their way to tell me what I shouldn't do. Oh my goodness, if you're in pain, you shouldn't suffer- you must go to the doctor right away and ask for pain pills.

Um...no thanks. I'd like to put off the being-a-junkie thing for as long as I can, thanks so much. Diabetes makes one sleepy and disoriented already, so I really don't even do much in the way of the odd beer or joint anymore. Who'd have ever thought of me having a drug free life? But I just prefer it.

Oh my goodness! I shouldn't open my door to people like those Mormon missionaries I talk to and all- don't I realise they're not into the real answer to life the universe and everything?

Well.. maybe so and maybe not.... but I go to a number of churches around town since Tim & Sherri left town. I'm looking for people who want to talk something more fulfilling than just politics or movies or whatever. And it's no secret- I'm looking for people to help me since I lost a lot of my mobility.

I go to church, and the sermons will be cool, but no one talks to me after, and I've asked and no one helps me with my chores. I've even offered gas money for rides, but no one can be knackered.

Those missionary kids at least come visit me and talk to me. They've even helped me with housework.

I kinda wonder who's being the more 'real' Christian when it comes to that whole helping the poor quotient.

No, I don't. I know.

Anyway. It'd be nice if someone on my hugish list of alleged friends would come hang out with me in my air conditioned little apartment I can't leave very well anymore. It'd be nice if someone wanted to stop by and miss ol' Jacko with me.

His suffering's over, after all.

claudiamercy @ 2009-06-22T12:29:00

2009-06-22T16:41:06Z

Oh man! I want this!

But... chances are I'll just have to go to the ReCycle store and get a used one that will fall apart as fast as my last three have...

As usual I want so much stuff! But when one hasn't got much money, even the bare essentials can be pie in the sky... I was at church and about a week ago a lady was talking about her surviving during her 'lean times' and was lamenting how hard it was to live when she was making only 12,000$ a year?

I wanted to roll my eyes, really, I did.
I'm on disability. I make 5000$ a year. That's it. Not 5000$ plus my additional income, Not 5000$ plus some allowance from someone... 5000$ a year.

Try that kind of 'lean times' on for size, because that's all I have.

I need a new office chair. This one was one I dragged off the streets after the students left, and I made it last for about 3 years even though it has always ominously clicked back an inch or so whenever it chose and the arm that is now gone was falling off when I got it.

I need a new mattress for the one I have has a hole down by my feet, and as one knows diabetics are supposed to be cautious with their feet, so I worry about mangling myself on springs in my sleep and not knowing it.

The only mattress place nearby is one of those memory foam mattress places, and they're having a sale in which I could get one "for ONLY" 350$ which I could pay off in dribs and drabs without having to pay for a few months up front, but I need a valid ID and a decent credit report, and I have neither.

I need a new ID.

I need more diabetic socks, because diabetic socks have no more magical property than ordinary ones in that somehow they all disappear in the laundry.

I STILL need a ride to Walmarts/Cheese Traders/Mr.Gs/ANYWHERE but even though I keep asking on my facebook and at church no one ever drives me anywhere but TO church. Once again, the timeless refrain: a half hour trip for a car owner takes me all day because I have arthritis and also have to wait out two buses, and then can only buy as much as I can carry on my back, so my shopping trips don't stock me for long.

The buses only go to regular supermarkets. Nothing goes close enough to WalMart, and discount places like Cheese Traders (which is a bus + a transfer to a second bis) or Mr.G's (which is on a backroad in the middle of nowhere by no busline at all) are more hassle than they are worth.

I've already said I'll toss down gas money, people. Com'on. Help a sistah out.

ranty

2009-06-08T21:27:39Z

My constant refrain these days is "I'm too young to be this old." I suppose it's a step up from the refrain I had when I was young, which was "I wish my life didn't suck so much."

Both of these mental tapes are malarky, of course. Mental tapes often are. That's why one spends time in therapy and suchlike trying to be rid of them. I'm NOT old, I just feel old. I have chronic arthritis in my ankles, knees, back, hands. I have diabetes, which makes my head get muddled at times, and causes palpitations,and weird electric shocklike sensations.

I have an undiagnosed pain in my belly, that feels raw and crawly, uncomfortable. Sometimes it bloats me up so much I cannot but lay on my side until it passes.

Meanwhile, I lament the days I had a life because guess what? It didn't suck. I had depression. I was a bitier ruder person than I am now.

My life didn't suck so much. In hindsight, my life then fuckin' rocked, and I spend a lot of my life now wishing I had a time machine, so I could go back and relive that part with a bit more appreciation.

But I can't do that, so I spend a lot of my life now reminscing.

My life was weird, so I try to go over the details carefully, remember what I can before memory fails. Maybe I should write more things down.

My life was weird, and because it was weird I've had people now and again accuse me of lying about all the places I've been, people I've met. Man, I'd have to be an extremely good fictionist to make this stuff up, because if I hadn't witnessed the things I have I probably wouldn't believe them either.

Some tell me I shouldn't look back. That my life isn't over. Which is true, but because of the infirms I have I don't have much of a quality of life now, so remembering is about the high point of my day. After the operation wherein they tried to remove a cancer it turns out I didn't have I was pretty much imobilised from moving around much lest I tear my stitches. By the time I came back from that most of the people I still did know in this area had moved away, or grown up and got lives. I never was good at socialising to begin with, so I never replaced those friends and at this point really have no good idea how to go about doing so.

Because I spent so much of my years interested in and running in circles of artists, I find I can't compete with the egos and competitiveness of the art scene anymore, if ever I could have then. I was always too sensitive to the slings and coldness that goes with promoting one's art. There's so much backstabbing and having to know who's cool to hang with and who isn't.

I doubt I ever was cool in an "in" way anyhow. I fancied myself punk and that was the sort of hipness I did attract; those who couldn't fit with the in folk, or didn't want to. I was outsider art. Flavour of the month.

Now my month is long over.

Recently I set out trying to find a niche to do music in again. I've found myself slapped down at every turn by some arrogant little prettyboy, and I guess I'm just tired of trying to find anyone who remembers how much of a scenester I am. This kid probably sees nothing but an ugly, low incomed old woman, and slapping me down is like shooting fish in a barrel really, but again, competition. Apparently it's fun to those who like to compete. It's fun to crush others.

I guess I just don't have enough energy to play those games when all I want to do is just make my music before the arthritis makes my hands completely useless, before I can't get out to socialise at all.

I still have my music TV show, I guess, but they stuck it on an even later timeslot after some bad spookshow from Boston. Z hates this show because he was the only one left doing a spookshow for awhile, and this show is an import. There's a funny little not-from-round-here attitude from the real Vermonsters, I've noticed. After all, to make friends or perform in Vermont you pretty much have to work your tail off networking in the summer, because by the time the snows fly 90% of the people you met will be gone, as they are flighty out-of-towners who can't handle the cold.

I kinda want to do radio again. I DJed at a couple of colleges, and at the short lived pirate radio station. DJing is a weird way to reach out to people though, because even if you have an audience of many you usually don't know it. People rarely call radio hosts. In essence, you schlep yourself out to the studio and there you sit. Alone in a box spinning tunes.

For a time in the early 90s I had a radio show at the Goddard college station. The station is WGDR and my show was called The Lamb Trips Out in Plainfield. I lived in Montpelier then, and I didn't have a car, so to do this program I would leave at the crack of dawn to start hitchhiking the 5 miles to the school. I met some interesting people hitchhiking. A few scary ones now and again, too. It would take me all day to do a hour and a half show, because of all the hitchhike time to and fro, but it was a thing to do, something to give me a schedule, a cause.

Goddard had a lot of old vinyl records, groups that probably no one heard of even when they came out. I remember playing stuff by a band called Come, whose album cover consisted of a stop sign that read 'come' instead. A band called Tir Na Nog that had a song about the Whitestone Bridge. I discovered The Strawbs and Premiata Forneria Marconi in that LP library, poring over the dusty album sleeves for stuff that looked or sounded cool.

They got promotional material from bands that no one would hear of til later, and again some which lived and died in those promos they sent out, some of which I'd find and play. I remember a cassette tape by a band called Sponge (not the ones who did 'Rotting pinata'). I remember a song by African Head Charge that was on a sampler, and that I've searched all their records since then and never found it again. I remember a branchoff project by one of the Screaming Trees guys called The Purple Outside. I played bands that were popular for their short time, like Dread Zeppelin, who were never thereafter heard again. I played the advance SubPop sampler and found a band called Nirvana who later everyone would hear of, but no one knew then.

I taped all these shows, but then later I had a sort of boyfriend named Gordy. Gordy was a DJ as well. He had a distinctly unpleasant body odor I can remember even now, but he could be funny at times, and he gave good head, so I hung about with him. He turned me on to 'professional' wrestling, and we would watch matches with The Undertaker in them.

But... Gordy had no conscience whatsoever and was a notorious thief. Anything he could slink off with he did, and in the time he knew me he managed to steal all my radio show tapes.

Since I'd seen him steal tapes before I know exactly what their fate must have been. When he stole tapes he would go over their sides with rubbing alcohol to remove the labels or any magic marker, making them look effectively blank. And then, since his taste ran to classic rock and really bad country, he would tape his own favorites over them, never listening to what they actually contained.

Someone told me recently Gordy is dead now. I did care for him in a convoluted way; as said, he was funny. Once, while on acid and after a particularly good makeout session I even vaguely loved him. I guess I felt like my biological clock was ticking and he was better than no boyfriend, so I entertained about a ten minute thought that perhaps I ought to marry this kid as he was better than nothing.

If there is a Heaven. If people's fate's are connected to ours in such a way that we need forgive them the sins they place against us? If God told me I had a choice between saving Gordy's soul, or getting my radio tapes back intact?

I'm sorry, Gordy. I really do miss those tapes.

claudiamercy @ 2009-06-03T15:05:00

2009-06-03T19:05:44Z

THIS week's (and last's) setlist.

Noisy Hill 4 pt 16- owlwaxer
Savin' Me- Nickleback
handy arm gadget
See Emily Play-Pink Floyd
Gloria- Patti Smith
scene fr. "Nothing But Trouble"
Revolution 9-Alarm Will sound
Manson family opera- John Moran
Death to Birth-Pagoda
scene fr. "The Suffering"
Ghost- Gackt
Nirvana-Donovan
Big Cheese- Nirvana
Heads Explode- Monster Magnet

----

and, last time's....

Noisy Hill 4 pt 13
GWAR @ Waverley Hills
Joanie Loves Chaci ep w. Mitch Weissman
Mr. Sparkle commercial
Batwings-Coil (video:Angelus cemetery, LA)
Marriage of Heaven & Hell- Ulver (Serial Experiments Lain fanvid)
Noisy Hill 4 pt 14
Going Under- Evanescence (a Wesley Wyndam-Pryce fanvid)
Schpooky Potty sketch, Mad TV
user name 666
Doll- antihoney
Skotoseme- Diamanda Galas
Noisy Hill 4 pt 15
Labyrinth- Jan Lenica
No Rest for the Wicked- Cage the Elephant

~~~~~

and that's all she wrote. So hey! I've been hosting the titles (& my homepage) at geocities, who are closing soon! Anyone know of any decent free host sites I can move the webpages too?

Also, anyone here in VT, I could use a housecall to look at my compie. I mentioned this awhile back, but when i went to update my antivirus the update of all things was corrupted. I can't reload it, and I can't get it off my computer. I'm a sitting duck with no AV, so I want to reformat Windows and start again, but I am utterly blonde when it comes to stuff like this- little help, someone?

creaky bones and all

2009-04-18T14:35:28Z

Here's another dream for you all...

I was staying with some people, but I was getting around by wheeled chair. Not a wheelchair, but one of those office chairs. However at one point the people I was with wanted to go to some bar. It was down a hill so I couldn't bring my chair and was having a hard time finding short cuts around the worse parts of the hill.

There was some kind of peanut brittle on the bar in complimentary bowls, and the bartender was cute. But I remember thinking the juice that was in the mixed drinks was something I had brought a pitcher of to these peoples' house, so I was sort of annoyed we were paying for drinks that theoretically should have been free.

I didn't want to be there. I was really tired and wanted to sleep in my own bed, so I left. Trouble was i had no way to get back home.

I was pretty sure I had a car somewhere, but the girl who had brought me had parked it, so I didn't know where it was, and even in dreams I know I'm a lousy driver, so I gave up looking for it and went to a train station.

I got on a train but all these people were telling me the train I wanted was a different one, so I checked the schedule, and the one I wanted wasn't for another hour and a half so I decided to take this one for a few stops and then get off at a common terminal.

At one point in the ride we passed an outside area overlooking a river, which was all discolored rusty water and strange abandoned, corroded looking buildings.

Some of the passengers had on odd garb, like orange reflectives one might see in someone working for the train company itself, but also weird homemade steampunk and medieval gear, heavy gloves and leather straps, that kind of thing.

I got off in a stop in a Spanish area of a city. There were signs advertizing routes of train i had heard of, but also advertizing one I had never heard of that apparently was segregated, as there was a seperate stairway for women to enter it.

I left the train station and wandered in the strange part of this city. At one point I passed a theater, which had a screen showing scenes from some children's film. It had Robert Sean Leonard of all people playing a shark.

It was about then that I remembered there'd been some kind of weird video showing shark skeletons swimming around behind the bar where my friends were, so I went back (somehow this didn't require a long trainride, I just...was back at the bar.)

I sat at a different table for awhile, watching the bartender's reflection in the mirror because I felt like staring at him, but thought doing so directly might be rude. He still seemed aware he was being scrutinized and looked sort of self conscious.

There were two guys at a table who had a boombox and when they turned it on the instrumental break of a Grateful Dead song was playing. I tried to get in their conversation- "that is 'Blues for Allah'" but they only glanced at me sidelong and seemed annoyed at my attempt. One of them told me "no, it's 'Blues for Hawk'. Newly released session." But I was pretty sure he was wrong as it sounded exactly like the studio version.

I tried talking to the two friends I had arrived with initially, but they also seemed sort of annoyed I was talking to them. It was all about this one girl, it seemed, the one who had made me leave my chair behind.

A friend of theirs came up to the table thinking they had said something about The Crow and then said 'watch this' and went into what looked like a tattoo parlor.

He came out some time later in Crow makeup, and everyone was enthused at him for a short while- "you look just like him!" before going back to their conversations.

By now I was starting to half wake and I remember feeling very annoyed I had spent so much time with these people. What kind of friends inconvenience and annoy you in such a way?

I heard a little kid calling somewhere. "Chia! come get your birth present!"

/dreamend.

So, when I logged on to write this dream down there's always little newsblurbs on my carrier, and I was reading about what shows will be cancelled this fall. I'm kind of bummed The Sarah Connor Chronicles and Dollhouse are getting the axe because I rather liked those, and I missed the season finales last week. Ahh well. I'm sure Z will get the DVDs.

I woke up with tremendously bad back pain. I've been really thinking I need to get a new mattress somehow. No idea how I would get it up two flights of stairs, or back from the store, of course... it's not just back pain tho. Lately besides the perpetually stiff knees and ankles I've had weakness in both upper arms, and in the middle of my right hand. This damn arthritis is spreading.

I need to see a doc, but the one I have sucks. Besides, I was doing some research on Vicodin last night for the writing assignment I'm doing, and this just reinforced in me that I don't want anything addictive.

I just want to live pain free. Is that so wrong?

All these painkillers have such ghastly side effects tho, which is why I choose to take none of them. Over the counters ruin your stomach, and I already have stomach complications.

Besides, most painkillers aren't covered by Medicaid. I don't know what to do. My quality of life is dropping away bit by bit...

Anyway. I'll probably noodle around on the computer for awhile and then go try to at least turn the mattress I have now.

new PmE

2009-04-13T18:46:59Z

episode 82-Anni might like this one. (with the return of the dancing Z!)

Flying Teapot-Gong

Sleepwalk-Chet Atkins & Leo Kotke

Gallows Pole reprise- Great Big Sea

Take 5- Utada Hikaru

??- Rough Francis

The Church of the Living Dead w. John Crowder

Nothing Much Just Far Out- Paul McCartney

Interstellar 555 pt 2- Daft Punk

Isshoku Sokuhatsu- Yonin Bayashi

Your Body Is Made of Sunlight-Circulus

Heaving Salvation in The Paradise of Rust- Axis of Perdition

U-Turn- U'Nee

Everytime We Teach- They Might Be Elders

Toxic Love Shack- mashup Britney vs B52s

Smells Like Billy Jean- mashup Nirvana vs Jacko
~*~

Probably be up and running by Thursday at 1am; if not, look for it Saturday or next Monday night in the wee hours on channel 15 VCAM.

claudiamercy @ 2009-03-23T13:28:00

2009-03-23T17:32:27Z

Zach was talking the other night about the 'sons of thunder', and I had mentioned there was a ministry in Georgia by that same name. It is John Crowder's ministry; the ex-druggie raver minister dude Sharon had told me about. Anyway, my computer isn't fast enough to look at this, so you got the first scoop, but this came in this weeks newsletter from them.

I have no idea how to embed media either, so here's a link
First Church of the Living Dead

Jesus Invading Goth Counterculture

Jesus is invading the subcultures in this hour with supernatural power and relevance to a generation that has felt disenfranchised by the mainline church. In this week's episode, John Crowder visits a ministry in Decatur, Illinois that reaches out to hardcore goths, offering the love of God to a sector of today's society often forgotten, misunderstood or virtually ignored by many believers. Get ready for an unusual revival when God gets hold of the goths!

claudiamercy @ 2009-03-13T15:12:00

2009-03-13T19:17:07Z

New Postmortem Espresso winging your way probably Monday night (weather permitting)
setlist is as such:
episode 81-zombie du jour

Stairway to Heaven- the Beatnix

Mon Amant de St. Jean- Patrick Bruel

Spaceman-the Killers

All Nightmare Long- Metallica

Move If You Wanna- MIMS

This is Halloween Princess Tutu fanvid

Burn it to the Ground- Omega Rising

An Eluardian Instance- of Montreal

Gunpowder & Lead- Miranda Lambert

Sweet Talking Woman- ELO

Noisy Hill 4 pt 12- Owlwaxer

Buffy the Animated series promo

Are yOu Gonna Be My Girl Jhorror fanvid

All We Gotta Do- Hugh Laurie
~

----

In other news... my leg is REALLY bugging me. I think I may have to drag the durn thing to the doctor and get it looked at already. I was in so much pain just walking to the cab station- which is two blocks from my house- that I was wishing a mighty pox upon absolutely everyone I knew who had a car or a ground floor apartment.... I still have to get all the way back from South Burlington (and down that huge long hallway to the women's room when I am done writing this) so my magnamimous attitude will probably turn quickly back to misanthropy as soon as I am forced to be in motion again.